enough is enough.

as much as i want to.. its so hard to just stop liking someone. i don't even think i like him like that anymore. i regret all those late night talks..that led into other things. I'm just digging a hole for myself.. i know ima get hurt-- actually, i did get hurt already.. he is like a FWB now.. and ugh. i told myself that i would NEVER get in a FWB.. and here i am.. in a somewhat FWB. HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE ME like that. i feel like just some girl he goes to when he wants it. what the fc/k. I'm just like a "backup" girl.. but he knows too much about me-- deep, personal things that i NEVER told anyone before. so stupid of me to think that i could trust him.. i hate this. i feel so unclean.. i don't feel i deserve my household leader position at all. i feel like i have failed my sisters and brothers that looked up to me--if there is any of them. i don't feel worthy at all. all the things i learned at discovery, from older sisters and brothers, from all those talks/sharing that I've heard.. its like i just ignored it. all the things I've learned through the years.. its like i just blew it off. i hate this. i hate having this feeling. this feeling of guilt. i have failed God and everyone else. i have fallen back on my prayers and just my faith on God. i need to get my act back together. i need someone who i can tell them everything... from start to end... without them judging me.. and just having a different prospective about me. i need a break from everything. i need to get outta here.. i need to start over and just fix my focus back to God.

//if you're reading this even though you might not know what exactly i'm saying. please don't let it affect the way you think about me..

i need you.